The Crazy Lady with a Crying Toddler

This week I had to do a Walmart run.  I typically only go to Walmart once every three months.  I do not like that store so I hold out as long as I can.  I couldn't hold out any longer.  Had to go.

Grab my big semi cart and we get started.

We needed a birthday present for a friend and of course Max picked out a toy gun for the birthday present.  So Max is shooting off this gun all over the store! 

Mallory flings her leg up by Melanie to entertain Melanie.  Melanie rips off Mallory's shoe throws it in the cart.  Then goes the sock.  Of course they all think this is the most hilarious thing ever and laughing super hard. 

Melanie is trying to eat everything I put in the cart.  Grabs the bacon and tries to bite it.  She is squishing my bread.

Now Melanie is a typically good shopper.  But I get her in this store and she can't handle it.  Brings out the crazy in her.

She starts crying.  Nothing is making her happy.  Not even a nuk.  She keeps launching her nuk.

I head for the check out and apparently everyone shops on a random Tuesday at 10am.  Lines are long.  Don't people work?!  This is suppose to be the perfect time for stay at home moms with crying kids to get in and out without anyone seeing us.  So here we are standing in line with a candy filled isle.  Melanie wants it all.  Pointing and crying.  Now, I have never bought her anything from the check out isle so I am not sure why she thinks she is getting something today.  I don't cave.  Just let her cry and try to comfort her and distract her from all the candy. 

There is a gal in front of me and she seems to be with an older gal that helps her shop.  Well the younger gal notices Melanie crying and wants to comfort her.  So she touches Melanie's arm and starts talking to her.  Then goes back to putting her groceries on the belt.  Then Melanie blows snot out her nose.  Like big huge snot bubble!  Huge!  I never seen anything like it in my 6 years of Motherhood!  I am mortified.  The kids are giggling and laughing.  And this gal sees and she is a very loud talker and she is saying "DID SHE JUST BLOW SNOT AT HER SISTER AND BROTHER?!"  She is repeating it over and over and over and over and over...

I am searching for a Kleenex.  I can't find a single one.  I am the queen of Kleenex.  I have massive horrible allergies and I can't leave home without a Kleenex.  I can't find one.  None.  None in my pockets.  None in my purse.  And I left the diaper bag in the car because I am so over carrying a diaper bag.  I mumble under my breath... A mom without a Kleenex?  I can't believe it! 

Now the gal looks at Melanie and says "DID SHE JUST EAT HER SNOT?  I DIDN'T KNOW BABIES ATE THEIR SNOT.  GROSS.  BABIES EAT THEIR SNOT!"  Over and over and over.

I am starting to sweat buckets and over heat at a rapid rate.

I remember I have toilet paper I am buying.  Grab it.  Rip it open.  Two rolls going flying out of my cart and start rolling on the ground.  Grab a third roll and wipe Melanie's nose. 

And my loud talking gal chases after my rolls of toilet paper. 

I couldn't believe this was really happening to me. 

A get everything under control again except for Melanie who does not want a nuk and is still crying and really wants me to hold her.  I can't hold her because I have to still unload my cart.  YES!  We are still not up to the belt to unload our groceries!!  Mallory offers to unload the cart for me and that I can hold Melanie.  Deal!

Now the guy behind me comes back to his cart (he had walked away and I thought it was because he was tired of watching the crazy lady with a crying kid) and he has a package of travel Kleenex.  He says to me "Here I found these for you if you still need them!" 

Awww!

I assumed he was blue collar worker.  He was buying a pair of work boots and insoles.  And he was stuck behind mega cart lady.  He kept texting on his phone and I was pretty sure I could tell you what his texts were.  Sorry I am going to be late to the job this lady in front of me is all sorts of crazy and you should see the heap of groceries in her cart. 

I finally get to check out!  Unloading my cart and loading bags all with one arm because I am having to hold Melanie.  I want those crazy fitbits to measure when I am holding a 25# kid and walking and doing my thing!! 

Get out to the car and it is a super cold day.  Below zero for sure.  Load the kids up.  Load the groceries up and I can no longer feel my fingers and jump in the van.  I look at the clock and it is 12:15!!  No wonder Melanie is loosing her mind!  How did it become noon already!  She is still crying and I get back out of the van and start digging in my groceries to see if I can find her a snack.  Mr. Blue Collar is parked next to me and is climbing into his big white work van and sees me digging for snacks and handing out snacks to the kids.  He just laughs and shakes his head at me.  I just smile and shrug my shoulders back like... I had no idea it was lunch time!

Then Melanie was so exhausted she fell asleep on the way home and there went her nap and she had to do school with us that afternoon.  That is a whole other ball of crazy!!!