A Collection of Short Stories

My Mom was at a pre-garage sale one night and calls me at like 7:30… there is a bounce house here, you want it? Um… no.  I don’t want a huge bounce house!  Where would I keep it?  Okay, you have 15 minutes before I check out to call me back and change your mind.  *hang up*  *Call her back 45 seconds later*  Does it work?  Yah it works.  Does it have any leaks?   I don’t know it isn’t blown up right now.  I don’t think it does. Okay fine, get it. 

So now I have this bounce house (and it does work and no leaks).  My kids love it.  Scratch that… my kid loves it.  Mally.  She calls it her trampoline!  Max.  He is alright with it.  The highlight for him is going in and out and in and out and in and out…

The other day I dug out this bounce house for the kids to play with while I was at work.  It was a huge hit.  Well after work Mally wanted me to play in the house with her.  I did.  So I am in this bounce house acting like a 6 year old and Mally is having a hoot.  Max is not in the house with us because he is attempting to ride his four wheeler but he keeps getting stuck and when he is stuck he screams and gets mad and then he comes and gets me and yells “uck” at me until I come help him!  Back in the bounce house acting like a 6 year old… THE UPS MAN SHOWS UP!!  We were in the backyard so I can’t see the road and the UPS man has to come to the back shop to pick up our shipments for the day.  OMG!!  He caught me off guard and I was so embarrassed! 

THEN!  I get over it and I’m still in the bounce house acting like 6 year old and Max got fed up with this four wheeler and he starts walking over to the sandbox.  I’m watching him and I start thinking… oh I hope he is watching out for Maggie Droppings!!  Maggie’s prime spot is of course by the sand box.  As soon as I think that and I think I even said “watch out for Maggie Poop, Max!”  As if he understands that.  He crouches down and picks up something brown.  He turns and looks at me in the house with this something brown in his hand and starts yappering at me.  MAX!  NO!  PUT IT DOWN!  MAXWELL NO!  I’m frantically trying to get out of this bounce house and yelling and screaming.  He puts it down and gets a tiny piece and… wait for it… PUTS IT IN HIS MOUTH!  I’m still trying to get out of this blasted bounce house and screaming and now on the verge of throwing up.  He then picks up a huge chunk and starts running with it.  Literally running!  I’m finally free from that stupid bounce house and I’m running after him like a crazed lunatic and reach him and he has now broken it in two pieces, one piece in each hand.  I am officially gagging. 

I. do. not. do. dog. poop.  The end.  I can’t.  I never could.  It literally makes me gag if I see a dog doing this. 

This weekend we were at Jesse’s parents house and Jesse and I walked over to the barn by the cows and his parents were going to take Mally for a ride on the golf cart… well I look over at them and there they are sitting in the drive way with the dog in front of them, totally blocking their path, taking a dump!!!  I looked over there and at first busted into fits of giggles and made Jesse come look at them because it looked so funny them sitting there in the golf cart waiting/watching this dog dump in the drive way… then I had to distract myself and look away because I was getting gaggy.  Thankfully the cows didn’t like Jesse in their territory and were starting to bother him that I could forget about the dog poop and gagging.  And he wanted me to come in the cow pen!  Ha!  No way!  I don’t want to fight cows or climb a fence in a skirt!

When we were living in Oregon we took care of two dogs for like a week and we had to walk them morning and night and so Jesse had a dog and I had a dog… and when my dog wanted to do business… I abandoned him.  I couldn’t handle it.  It made me gag just knowing that the dog was doing this behind me.  And it was a cold day so when I turned around to see if he was finished it was steaming.  Pass out!  Can’t handle it!!!!!  Of course Jesse was with so he took care of it and he was like… oh Lynn this is such a nice hand warmer!  SHUT UP! 

Back to my story… so Max has a piece in each hand and will not drop them!  I grab hold of his elbows and start waving his arms around yelling and screaming.  He finally lets go and you guessed it… cries!  I rush upstairs into the kitchen and throw him in the sink and start scrubbing and I’m thinking… can I get out the bleach?  I didn’t.  Disgusting!  Boys!  Disgusting!

Party Day!

Mallory is getting to the age where she understands birthdays and parties and presents.  We had to have a countdown to her birthday on the fridge and put a sticker on each day.  I was getting tired of her asking me… is it my birthday today? 

Her birthday snuck up on me and I now learned that her birthday is in the thick of graduation & graduation parties… so trying to find a cake lady (or man) is next to impossible at the last minute.  I was given one quote (everyone else just told me no) and it was $59!!  Um… I can figure out how to bake a cake!  So I did!  From 100% scratch!  No boxes!

Blowing her candles!

Yay!!  Got them all!

Maxwell eating cake with Grandma Mary!  He ate a lot of cake!

The girls eating cake!

Mally and her Daddy!

After cake was present time!  She is on her way to being a one girl band!  She received all kinds of music instruments!

She asked for a microphone and guitar for her birthday.  Grandma Mary & Grandpa Dave got her a professional microphone and speaker!

Auntie Steph got her this tiny little bracelet with her name on it!  CUTE!

What is it?!

Got her guitar!

Jesse and I got her a karaoke machine and she received sing along CDs and the latest Lady Antebellum CD.  I download the Lady A Album from Amazon when they had a killer deal (A Quarter for the whole album!) and I love this album so I play it all the time… and I do mean all the time!  We listen to it in the house – I was able to download it to my phone so we play it in the truck when we are driving.  Mallory was even getting to the point where she would request me to play them… she would say “Momma do you have your phone?  Can you play Lady Antebellum?”  So my sister was looking for ideas for her and I told her I got her this karaoke machine and that I don’t know how to get this digital album to a CD so if she wanted to get her the CD.  She did.  And the girls wanted to sing it right away.

Little did I know that Mallory knew the words to EVERY. SINGLE. SONG!  She sang that entire CD and she didn’t take a break, she didn’t stop!  She stood right here and sang and danced and performed for all of us!

Ellyn sang along too to the songs that she knew. 

We attempted to put in the sing along songs because we were going on round three of the CD and we needed to switch it up and it only lasted a moment and they were putting Lady A back in. 

Grandma Mary, Grandpa Dave & Maxwell enjoying the concert!  They were so proud and very impressed by her talent.  : )  As any grandparent would be! 

We did catch her on video and this was the only one that turned out where you can see her… however… Ellyn is crying in it.  : )  Sorry Elly (and Shannon)!

Here is our Mallory Rae singing along to Lady A!  Enjoy!

The next day she went over to the neighbors and had to bring them back to her house so she could sing for them.  That time she played her guitar and sang… now she needs a mic stand for Christmas.  ; )  She is usually a very shy girl – but bring out some music and mic/guitar and she forgets anyone is watching her.

In Honor of Ellyn

My niece, Ellyn turned 9 years old this year!  9!  We all remember the day she was born, and I can’t believe that 9 years have gone by.  The older she gets the tougher it is for me to figure out what to get her for gifts.  And right now I think her love language is quality time… so I made her this coupon:

She was so excited when she opened it and her first question was “when?”  : )  And it just so happened that it was the Friday before Mally’s birthday party.  Which worked out perfectly in the long run – my sister took Max to spend the night at her house, while I kept Ellyn here with us.  Then on Saturday (party day) the girls could play while I cooked and got every thing ready.

Applebees is Ellyn’s favorite restaurant.  So we are driving to the restaurant and I ask her what she likes to eat at Applebees.  Her response… corn dogs!  WHAT?!  You eat a corn dog!? 

Mallory got to tag along on our Ellyn night.  She also requested a corn dog.

Mallory felt so little again with Ellyn around.  Mallory loves Ellyn – so this was really fun for her that Ellyn got to ride in our truck with us and go to all these places.

After dinner it was time for the movies!  We took the girls to Madagascar 3 in 3D.  None of us had ever seen a 3D movie before and this was Mallory’s first time in a movie theater.

Ellyn got to pick whatever snacks she wanted.  She wanted chocolate.  : )  And Mally wanted popcorn, of course. 

Mally had to trade in her sunglasses (which were actually my sunglasses from when I was in high school!  Why do I still have my sunglasses from high school?) for a pair of 3D glasses.  Good thing she likes to wear glasses!  : )  She kept them on the whole time!  The only trouble she had was keeping her seat from folding in on her.  She had to sit on the edge of her chair like this threw the whole movie.  She didn’t mind though – she was way into the movie.

This was my first 3D movie too and it was so awesome!  I kept flinching because it felt like things were coming right at us.  It was so wild!  At some points even Mally would put her hands up over her face and giggle and say “too close too close too close”.  I feel bad that this was Mally’s first movie experience because now when we take to a regular movie – she will for sure be asking where her glasses are.  : )

We got home late and put the girls to bed.  And I’m thinking… ah… I’m going to sleep in tomorrow!  Max is at Shannon’s!  This is so awesome!  I was giddy!  I even told the girls if they woke up before us to just go out to the living room and read books for a while. 

Hahahahahahaha…. NO!  At 7 Mally and Ellyn are standing in the living room.  Mally is crying.  Ellyn is trying to hold her.  Apparently Mally thought I was in the shower downstairs and she couldn’t get to me because the gate was closed, Ellyn heard her crying (before I did) and came to see what was going on and was trying to comfort her. 

THEN!  I get a text from my sister that Max slept all night long and didn’t wake up until 8:30!!  And here I was (a little) worried that Max was going to be a little trouble for her because he has been sick and he doesn’t sleep well when he is sick.  Now I know that I just need to send him to Auntie Shannon’s house when he is sick because he likes it there.  : ) 

Swimming & Cake!

My friend, Molly, called me the day of Mally’s birthday to tell me about an awesome garage sale I should check out for Max… and then it turned into, why don’t you guys come over for supper tonight.  It sounded great to me (I hadn’t even thought about supper yet) and I told her I was going to bring some cupcakes or something because it was Mally’s birthday.  She told me no, she would bake something.  : )

She also told me to bring the kids swimsuits because they had their little pool set up.  Sold!  Here is Mally sporting her new suit from Grandma Mary!

Here is Mad Max sporting his!  He thinks he is starving… and when homeboy thinks he is starving… he is beyond cranky!!

Mally went right into the pool!

Max found a car to ride around in.

Going down the slide.  Started out I had to hold her hand while she went down.  Then she braved up to going down by herself.

Oh wait… she cheated!  She had Kate hold her hand!  Do you think that face is a “this is so fun” face or not?  : )

We ate supper and then Molly had a crockpot cake!  Pinterest!  : ) 

Oh and frozen margaritas for the grown-ups!  ; )  They even hung up the birthday banner and dug out the “special” plate for Mallory.

That is little Lilly next to Mally.  She is about 6 months younger then Mal. 

Blowing her candles.  She actually understands blowing candles this year.  Last year she just stared at them.

Proud that she got them!

It was a very fun and special night that we all enjoyed!!

Mallory is THREE!

Our little girl turned three last week!  Here is her three year old interview!

Waking up Max

I am sure I have mentioned it many times before, but Maxwell is a tough for routines and schedules.  I am very much a schedule and routine kind of person.  I raised Mally that way too and with Max I kind of lost all that… control, shall we say… with having a nanny, Mrs. Carolyn. 

Mrs. Carolyn is the opposite of me.  She just lays him down when he seems tired.  : )  And so he will be sleeping at odd times and then I wake him up because it is getting too late and I want him to go bed at his usual time.

One day we went to wake him up and he was sleeping so hard and looked so snuggly!

There is seriously just something about sleeping kids.  I just want to crawl into their beds with them.

He was really sleeping hard!  Mally hung over his crib and was not quiet.

When he finally did wake up – this was his first sight!  A little blonde big sister hanging over his head! 

He usually wakes up very well when we wake him.  He toddled over to the edge where we were.

Good morning Max!

Then he watched as Mally entered something about him on her computer. 

We see this sight often…

His bed is next to the door so he will open up the door and look down the hallway at us and yell… or cry.  : )

My Daily Walk

I knew this was going to happen at some point in my life – and it happened this year.  I turned into a little Martha Stewart!!  I can’t get enough flowers in my yard!!

Having Fridays off is dangerous now – I like to sneak over to the nurseries.  Mally loves to go too, because they have ride on peddle tractors for the kids that are visiting!

It all started with this planter that Jesse made for me.  I believe he made this when we were still living out in Oregon. 

I am trying to get a pops of yellow on my front patio since I found my 50 cent wreath at a garage sale!  So I took some planters, that the neighbor gave me, to my mom (AKA: Master of the Spray Paint) and she changed them from terracotta red to flashy yellow in a snap!

Everyone needs a kid on their front steps with no pants on drinking juice, right?!  Well I have mine!  She is either pointing out a bug or the bird poop.  Not sure which.  We had a robin move in and make a nest in our porch light and she poops all over our entrance!!

Every day, usually after work, I have to walk around our yard and look at all the flowers.  It is so relaxing to me and helps me move into Mom Mode for the rest of the day/night. 

Love these flowers – Blue Flax.  They constantly have blue flowers on them and are so wispy airy!  A big bad windy storm will come and knock all the flowers off and the next day more blue flowers will be there!  Magical!

This one is called, Summer Glow.  And it is just starting to “glow”.

Tiny little delicate flowers on him too and I didn’t realize those little pink balls turned into flowers until this year when I started my daily flower walks. 

My Chinese lanterns that are solar powered!  Love! 

Three hanging baskets under our deck.  My Mom showed me the deal spot on hanging baskets!  I’ve been looking at hanging baskets for awhile, but I was so not impressed with their price tags!  But I got these for $11.85!!!  Steal!!

Mr. Max loves flowers too.  Except in a different kind of way!

Mally and I went to Katherine’s ballet recital one night so Jesse and Max were in charge of watering the flowers and the next afternoon I found a pile of orange peddles on the steps and then found the poor tortured flower.  Gotta keep an eye on that boy!

This next flower was a hanging basket but I just took the hanger off and put it on my jazzed up junk lamp that I got last year!  I get lots of compliments on it!

This little guy sits on our patio table and he finally bloomed.  So bright!

Mally tickling the flower.  I didn’t know you needed to tickle the flowers, but she claims you do

I spontaneously bought cushions & pillows.  I usually don’t do that.  We were at the store looking for AC units and I needed to keep the kids entertained so we wondered around and found ourselves in the patio section and I saw these, threw them in my cart, and off we went!  

Oh this ragga-muffin!  Earlier in the day she was running around with this shirt on which is a totally 80s crop shirt, blue jean capris, and pink water boots 4 sizes too big!!  I did not dress her that day!  : )  Katherine did.  When I spotted her out my office window I literally laughed out loud!  She was a site!

King Tut! 

I have three of these on my patio off the shop. 

I dug this pepsi box out of someone’s garbage… actually I spotted it, pointed it out to Jesse and he said – go get it.  I was too chicken and said, “I can’t.  I have an ice cream cone in my hand.  You go get it.”

He did! I really did have an ice cream cone too.  : )

The neighbor had boxes of these iris on the curb to toss.  I rescued them and put them behind the shop.

One afternoon Jesse and his buddies went dirt biking and I found myself at the nursery again… landscaping the side of the shop.

I felt bad for the neighbors since we built this massive shop between us – that they needed something pretty to look at.  We are very close with them – so close that Mally walks over there and walks right up on there deck and swings on their swing and talks their ears off!  They are her third set of grandparents.  : ) 

Notice I didn’t show you any pictures of my vegetable garden?  Apparently I don’t have that Martha Stewart quality just yet.  I haven’t given up… I will force it to come.  : )  I’m also on the hunt for the next spot I can turn into a flower bed.