My Grandpa (My Dad’s Dad) past away this week. I am horrible at dealing with death… horrible! So I decided that I was going to be different this time! I can do this!
My Mom sent me a text on Wednesday afternoon that said if I wanted to see Grandpa I needed to do it today. I was taking Mallory to awanas and the hospital is the next building over from the church. I had no excuse, but I had a million excuses as to why I couldn’t come. I put my head in my hands and prayed! I prayed for strength. I prayed for what I was suppose to do. It is not about me! It is not about me! Is what I got back! So I took a deep breath and sent my Mom a text and said… I’ll be there at 6:20!
I had anxiety for the rest of the day! I was sick to my stomach! I couldn’t eat! I couldn’t drink! I did not want to go! I do not like to see people suffering like this.
I am an extremely emotional person! Like extremely! I hate it! I wish I could control them, but I can’t. I hate it when others see me get this emotional!
I got to the hospital. There was lots of family there – which eased my anxiety a bit. I saw Grandpa. I didn’t like it. I held his hand. Kissed his forehead. I cried! I cried!
I would tear up on the drive back home every once in awhile. I would tear up going to bed that night. The next morning my kids got up insanely early again and I just didn’t know what to do with myself. I sat in the chair with them and we watched shows for an insanely amount of time. I couldn’t function.
Then I got that call. Grandpa had passed. Then I really couldn’t function!! My chore list went out the window! My clean house went out the window! I could hardly get out of the chair! I finally decided. That’s it! I’m going shopping! I’m going to get Christmas decorations and I’m making my house shine from the outside! I don’t have any outdoor Christmas decorations and Mallory is noticing every single house with decorations and she says, we need some too mom! We do! And today is the day!
I decided what a more perfect day to buy decorations. Every time from here on out I will think of Grandpa when I put these decorations up!!
So I hung up the decorations. Now what? I sat back in my chair with Mallory and we watched another huge amount of TV. I just couldn’t function! I emotionally dumped on a friend and she said… go eat! She told me to go eat a PB&J sandwich. Start small. It actually sounded good. So I did. I was out of jelly – but I ate peanut butter toast. And it was good! I took my vitamins. And I was feeling better and was able to function when Max woke up from his nap. I even ate a bit for supper.
Today I am better. I still think of Grandpa every few moments. I still think of all his sons and what they are going threw. I think of Grandma and what she is going threw.
I am still not getting any of my chores done today – because all I am doing is thinking of this! So I need to get it all out. I need write down my memories of Grandpa so I can cope and get back to functioning again!
Grandpa & Grandma met at a wedding. They were both standing up in a wedding together, but they weren’t dating. I believe Grandpa was engaged to someone else at the time. Grandma says… he was a pig farmer from Iowa and I was a hussy from Chicago. The rest is history. : )
Grandpa & Grandma lived on a farm a few miles from us when we were super little. I don’t really have any Grandpa memories from the farm.
Then they sold the farm and “retired” I guess. Grandpa started a lawn mowing business. He was pretty proud of his lawn mowing abilities. : ) He got gigs all the way over in Wausau mowing residential lawns for the richy-rich! He would take us over to Wausau and show us all these huge houses he mowed lawns for.
I remember being at their house when Grandpa would come home for a lawn mowing adventure and he would come in full of grass and sit down at the counter with his little book and write in it.
He also had a mean collection of strange QVC items. I think they were mostly garden items. He had this one item though… it was to help your aching sore stiff joints. It would shock you! He thought it was a toy! He would chase us around the house with that thing trying to shock us! I was so afraid of that thing! I can still picture him sitting in his recliner shocking himself with that thing!
Speaking of recliners. Grandpa and Grandma each had their own recliners. My sister and I spent many many many nights at their house. We loved it! We couldn’t get enough of it! We would sleep on the living room floor though because we thought the upstairs was haunted! LOL! I’m pretty sure I still feel like that upstairs was haunted. It gave me an eerie feeling during the day. I was most definitely not going up there at night!
Anyway, my sister and I would make a nest on the floor and Grandpa & Grandma are each in their recliners and they have to watch their shows at night. Their soap operas that they recorded every. single. day. However, if you stayed with them during the day – they watched them during the day too – but would fall asleep so they would have to watch them again at night – but they would fall asleep AGAIN! I’m not sure how they ever knew what was going on in their shows. Young and the Restless. I don’t remember the other one. I also remember watching Murder She Wrote and I think there was some Texas Walker Ranger in there too.
Oh and when ever I see Wheel of Fortune… that is totally them. More so Grandma then Grandpa. She can’t resist her puzzles.
And the TV would be so blasted loud!!! I honestly have no idea how they fell asleep. There was no way Shannon and I could sleep!
And hot! The house would be so hot! They had wood heat and I swear Grandpa was stoking that fire every 30 minutes! I remember we would all comment on hot it was in there when we would visit.
His drink of choice that I remember was a high ball. I can remember him yelling (from his recliner) to the kitchen “Connie make me a high ball, would ya”. For the longest time I thought he was saying, eye ball. I still have no idea what a high ball is.
Oh lemon drops! I’m pretty sure Grandpa had a stash of lemon drops hard candy with him.
Grandpa was also into his hot tub that he bought. He thought it was the greatest thing and wanted everyone to join him.
Grandpa was into his lawn art too! He would cut things out of wood and the request my Mom to paint them for him. I think I painted a few of his items too when my talent developed.
Grandpa had this really old snowmobile that Jesse loved.
Grandpa had a three wheeler – actually it was my Dad’s three wheeler from when he was a kid – but it was always at Grandpa’s house. I drove that thing for hours when we were there. I even tipped it over when I was giving my little brother a ride… and he was little at the time. I tipped it over right on top of us and I don’t think anyone saw us because I remember kicking it off of us and getting out. No one was hurt. Just shaken up. Now we (Jesse and I) have that three wheeler and we are getting it restored!! I think it will be extra special now when we get it back all sparkly! : )
Grandpa also had this little red wagon and he would take us for rides after rides in it! In the summer it has wheels (to pull behind the three wheeler) in the winter it had skis (to pull behind that really old snowmobile). Loved it!
I don’t think I remember this – I just remember from everyone else talking about it – but I think Grandpa use to have horses and he would take us for sleigh rides.
Grandpa use to have a love affair with the bar, Gordy’s, a few miles from our house. I can remember driving by and seeing his truck there and saying “Grandpa is at Gordy’s AGAIN!”
I remember the year Grandpa wanted the guys to put up a tarp garage for his truck for the winter. They did not want to do it. But Grandpa wanted it – and if Grandpa wanted it – you better do it!
I’m sure I have a ton more memories floating around – but I’ve sat here long enough with my cold cup of coffee (which would of never flew for Grandpa – Grandma would always reheat it in the microwave for him and he would need a buttered saltine cracker or a cookie to dip in it) and soggy kleenex that it is time to get up and move forward!
Thanks for listening to my memories and helping me cope better this time around! *teary eyed smile*
